Monday, September 13, 2010

Asian Babies

They are the superior form of baby. Here is why:

1. I am constantly tripping over small children and almost kick or step on one every 10 minutes when I am walking somewhere, which draws my attention to them more than what would normally happen in Canada. It finally occurred to me yesterday that the reason for this is because nobody here uses strollers. Those kids WALK everywhere...and if they don't walk they get left behind (not forever haha). Part of me that thinks kids should have as much freedom as possible thinks this is great. However, the part of me that likes kids to not die or get hurt thinks this could be potentially dangerous. Example: my roomate yesterday was in a cab that just BARELY stopped in time when an unattended, small child ran out in front of it. EEEK! Either way, Asian babies don't get carted around everywhere like Canadian babies.

2. You need to be able to see this next one to fully grasp the hilarity of it, but I will give a brief description. So as soon as their kids can walk, they stop putting diapers on them. What they do instead is cut the crotch of their pants so that there is a big space for them to pee and poop out of. So, these kids are wearing pants, but their entire bottoms are exposed. It kind of looks like they are wearing chaps haha. So, picture all these little kdis runing around with something ike chaps on.

Second part: it's not like these kids are potty trained or anything, so that means they just pee and poo whenever and wherever they need know, like a dog hahaha. Walking down one of the main streets yesterday we saw a little girl just pull down her pants and pop a squat (she didn't have the convenient pants-hole). She actually made a point of moving over top of like a sewer grate and doing it there...we were impressed with her conscientiousness.

Part 3 of this whole no diaper/hole in pants business is that kids are able to play with themselves wherever and whenever they want. We were in a restaurant yesterday that's down the street from us and owned by a friendly Muslim family (Muslims make superior food here). They have a toddler, and he was sitting int he dining room on this little plastic chair. He moved his chair over to us and we were saying hello to him in Chinese and English, so he was all happy. And he's got this big hole cut in his pants and he's just like flashing us and giggling, and then he starts to diddle with himself and giggle. We tried not to laugh but we couldn't help it. Could you imagine what would happen if a kid started diddling himself in a restaurant in Canada? So, reason number two Asian babies are superior: they aren't restricted by pesky diapers or toilet etiquette or diddling etiquette like Canadian babies.

3. Because there aren't a tonne of other white people here, sometimes it's clear that I am the first white person a baby has ever seen before, which is pretty much the funniest thing ever. Sitting on the bus the other day, this little baby was facing my roomate and I, and just kept looking back and forth between the two of us, like he was trying to figure out what the hell was going on. He did this for like 25 minutes, and still looked incredibly confused. Do yo uknow how dute confused babies are? The result was me cracking up for all 25 minutes of our bus ride.

Okay, I think that's all the important points of my argument thus far. I may expand upon this later though. In other news, I am going to work today, and I have for reals actual work to do now too. And we are all registered and here legally stuff too. And I may be able to start learning Chinese very soon. And I am teaching an English class every wednesday starting tomorrow night. And I haven't received my funding monies yet, so I'm getting a little anxious about that. I will talk about all that stuff when I know more.

Keep fit and have fun gang!


  1. I thought this post was going to be about Asian Babes. How disappointing.

  2. I know the feeling about being the first white person a baby sees. However, instead of just confusion, I tend to evoke intense fear and crying from the youngens here. It's depressing. : [

  3. HAHA! I thought it said babes too! We want your next post to be about babes.